How Do I Fix You? (When a Band Aid Won't Work)

When our babies are born we look for the signals to make sure they are happy and we respond to them. We are taught - when they cry check for :

1) Are they hungry, if so feed them (for me this was as simple as a quick breast feed)
2) Are they wet, if so change their nappy
3) Do they need burping, if so burp them
4) If they are tired put them to sleep

Looking back it all seems pretty simple.

As toddlers a big hug fixes most things and a band aid too.


But now I have a 10 year old who has been diagnosed "twice exceptional" - if you are unsure what that is read my previous blog, if you are still not 100% sure then you are exactly where I am at.

Harry has started back at school this year - Year 5. It's the first year I have felt nervous and worried about my boy returning to school. He has been given a really lovely teacher and his teacher from last year requested he be with his best friend. The Deputy Principal is aware of his diagnoses and she is wonderful. We are very lucky that he has such support.

Every day I ask him nervously - how was school? He has given me the usual "yeh good" and given me a few details. He seems much more up beat than last year, something I am very happy about. 

But today he was very ordinary in the car, hardly spoke. One word answers to my questions. Very prickly.

We walked into the house and he slammed the front door - hard. I turned around calmly and asked him to go back outside and come back without slamming the door. A simple request.

He did this but his face had gone red he had tears in his eyes and his body language had become very 'angry' and 'frustrated'. I asked him what was wrong.. he said nothing.

I watched him for the next half hour, tearing up at nothing, moping around constantly asking "are you okay?" and each time I was told YES!

Then tears and hugs and whats wrong please tell me... "I don't even know Mum, I just know I am feeling really sad this afternoon, sad and angry but I don't know why?"

We hugged and cuddled and then he went about his business making his lunch for school showering, all the while teary and really really depressed.

How do I fix this? How can I make him better? 

A band aid and hair tousle won't make him smile and run off laughing.

My Son Has Been Diagnosed as Twice Exceptional..Sounds Good But it Isnt...

This  year I have been extremely worried about my son. He has hated school, become "lazy" and and his grades have slipped. 

I arranged a meeting with his teacher and the head teacher and we all agreed he was an under achiever and capable of much much more...

Fast forward to almost the end of the year and I am sitting in a psychologists office and she says "Okay this is going to freak you out because of negative press but please be open to what I am about to tell you - I think Harry falls into the gifted and learning category BUT with ADHD...what do you think when you hear that?"

Me- well I have only heard ADHD is for naughty kids who run around like crazy? The psychologist looked sad at this admission. She went on to say how mad she is at the media especially the Today Tonight type for portraying ADHD as kids who punch walls and hurt their mothers....phew I thought!! She also says that you need to score 46 and over to fit into the ADHD category..he sits at 46 - so he passes!

Apparently when a child is Gifted Learning but has something masking it like ADHD they are called 'twice exceptional'. It sounds really braggy doesn't it. Oh yes well he has been diagnosed as twice exceptional you know!  Thing is its not really what you want for your child. I am learning this.

I am reading everything I can on the net and working out how I can help my son. They say only about 5% of the population are twice exceptional. It means my son will have a schooling life of frustration.

He was so smart in Kindy - took out the Principals Award and Dux of Kindy. His teacher told me his maths work was unbelievably advanced. Last year in the NAPLAN tests for Maths he couldn't go any higher in his test scores and was pretty high for Reading as well.

But here we are a 10 year old boy with a learning difficulty - who is gifted!?!?!?!

I know this means a year of trying to work with the school to make sure he is nurtured properly, changing my ways with him and others around us.

That will be the hardest thing I think. I don't want people to attach the stigma of ADHD to him but I also do not want him to be overlooked as lazy.

I guess a side affect or issue of being twice exceptional is Anxieties.. Harry can't get to sleep at night. He is "worried". He worries about lots of things before falling asleep. Like being robbed and tied up and he worries about me losing my job and we have to move out of our house.. things like that.

He also has a huge amount of bottled up frustration. Whilst he appears meek and mild to outsiders, I see him at home so angry at himself, so frustrated. I've seen him go red in the face and break a pencil in half when doing his homework. When I ask him whats wrong he will say oh nothing. When the psychologist said "Does Harry have temper tantrums ..does he get really angry and lash out". I said no not at all - he interrupted with "Yes I do Mum, I just don't show you. I go to my room and get really angry, once I ripped a book, then I just come out and be happy again."

This floored me - my happy child was in fact not happy. He was angry, mainly at himself. Immediately I felt like a neglectful parent. How did I not see this? 

He told me he loves me and didn't want me to worry about him - isn't that what I am supposed to say to him?

I've researched everything I can until we have our second visit with the psychologist. I am worried but not really sure what I am worried about yet. 

I am working on his self esteem. He told the psychologist he is good at nothing, nothing he does is exceptional. I told him he is amazing and good at football, good at cricket. He said yeh you have to say that so it doesn't count.



Most importantly whilst I don't want anyone to treat my son differently I do want people to understand why he doesn't interact as much as other kids, why he has difficulty holding a conversation with an adult and making eye contact, why he may appear lazy and at the other end of it fidgity.

Some people don't get him and some people never will..but if you do he will make you smile <3